


Them Kids Need Therapy

by walker15



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: Afrolatina!reader, Alfred Being a bit of an Asshole, Anxiety Attacks, Canon-Typical Violence, Cookouts, Crying, Depression, Dirty Talk, Dirty dozens, Drug Use, Dysfunctional Family, F/M, Family Drama, Family bullying, Fighting, Fluffy Angst, Like he may be a demon, Maybe - Freeform, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Past Character Death, References to ABBA, Underage Drinking, Well everyone is an asshole
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-28
Updated: 2017-03-31
Packaged: 2018-10-12 04:39:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10482279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/walker15/pseuds/walker15
Summary: It's been two years since you and Jason got engaged. Everything's been practically pre-marital bliss. That is until a certain little demon let it spill that you existed. Now you and Jason have to deal with your most hated adversary. Family interactions.





	1. All Hell has broken loose

**Author's Note:**

> This is actually my first batman fan fiction. And the first fic I've written in awhile so forgive me if I'm a bit rusty.

Jason isn’t really a unforgiving man. He says sorry first when strangers bump him, he almost never swears at little kids when they annoy him, and he pretty much swallows his pettiness and bites his tounge to bleeding when an old person tries to boss him around. That being said, there are things in his life that stroked the flames of his wrath even more than a bratty kid or a nosy old lady ever could. This was one of them. 

 

 

It was 3’ o clock in the morning when every phone he owned started buzzing, he had ignored every text, call, carrier pidgon, and smoke signal from each and every member of the Wayne Clan (or the Jason Todd annoyance squad) since last week and even bothering to run to the oldest most out of the way safe house he had couldn’t stop what was coming.

 

He swallowed his pride, rolled his eyes, and picked up the burner phone closest to him. “Well, good’ mornin’ to you too.” he croaked out immediately regretting not preping himself first, this battle was not for a weary warrior. “Good Morning Master Jason, I’ve trust you’ve been well?” Alfred said teasingly, he knew how hard Jason had been avoiding what was coming and he savored being the one to drag him back kicking and screaming.

 

“As ‘ell as can be ‘xpected Alfie.” Jason said as he tried to slither out of bed and let (y/n) keep her rest and head to the bathroom. But seemed (y/n)’s heavy ass head had other plans, as it pinned down Jason’s arm firmly against the stiff, under used mattress. “Well as long as you’re in such good spirits, shall I pass along a message?” before he could even answer a loud low groan of stress sounded from the rusty hinges of his front door that he’d yet to take some wd40 to. Damn, he though he’d at least get a head start with how extra his re vamped security system was. He swore he heard Babs snicker in the shadows of the stale air of his one room shack. 

 

Steeling his nerves and coming to terms with the indisputable fact that there was no way of escape and he was trapped. With a tiresome sigh Jason slid the phone back to his ear and answered. “Sure?” With that, the poor front door came down with such vigor and weight it made him fear for a split second that Jon had agreed to play battering Ram for Damian again. His last place didn’t even survive that team up and the last thing he needed was to be on the run from another landlord. But no. The sight in front of him was far more spine tinglingly horrifying.

 

 

“Happy Birthday, Master Jason. Will you do me the favor of coming quietly or will I have to show a little force?”


	2. You can't do that on television

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alfred is not to be trifled with

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so weak sauce and short. it'll get better once I get over this Damn writer's block. P.s. I know my spanish is shit my family tells me everyday.

"I would do literally anything to get out of this."

 

 

 

The funny thing about family is, for some strange reason because they shared a living space with you in your developmental years they think they're entitled to every little detail of your life. Nothing should be kept from them because "secrets are bad!!!!!!" They feel like there should be nothing about you that they don't know because they have "love you" and "care about your wellbeing". What your favorite cereal is, your music preferences, your favorite color, whether or not you've dated a girl for two years and proposed to her last week while you bled out on her kitchen floor is all information they think they should be privy to.

 

What a bunch of nosy assholes.

 

"Master Jason?"

 

 

"Yes Alfred?"

 

"Who, may I ask is the young woman on your arm?"

 

"........the cable repair lady?"

 

Nothing says good morning in a vigilante household like a busted down door and an extremely disgruntled authority figure. If Jason hadn't know better he'd say at least 84% of days start like this, and 100% of those days suck ass. He'll give credit where credit is due though. How the man of indeterminate age in front of him took down his triple reinforced door like an afterthought is not something he ever wants to know. 

As Alfred stalked over to the bed Jason shrunk back a little, doing his best to avoid the heat of Alfred's gaze. The smoldering glare working up in the man's eyes always made him feel like a petulant child being reprimanded for the thirtieth time. With his shoulders squared and his hand at his sides the refined butler looked as though he was trying his very best not to give Jason the tounge lashing of a life time. Alfred really did not appreciate sass in situations he deemed serious. 

 

Brow furling in the most disapproving butler type way he asked "Is that so? Well then, would you mind telling Miss cable repair to get dressed as soon as possible and inform her that she's been invited to the manor as well. If that wouldn't be too much, sir." as Alfred's moustache bristled and twitched it became very clear to Jason these were demands, not requests. 

 

Well there goes a restful Sunday he thought as he reached over and shook y/n's shoulder violently. "¿qué coño…? No me molestes! Es muy pronto....." she growled as she snatched the blanket a little higher over her head and slapped his hand away. y/n was not really an early to bed early to rise kind of girl, so Jason was genuinely risking his second life trying to get her up. "Come on babe, join the land on the living." He said while shaking her once more all be it a little gentler this time and sliding the blanket down enough to see her face. 

From under the wild mop of y/h/c hair he could see her y/e/c eyes shooting daggers at him. "I swear to god Jason if you shake me one more time I'll put my foot down your throat and play kick ball with your kidneys."She said, as she sat up. Her eyes barely sliding to Alfred but registering his presents all the same. She ignored the way Alfred was sizing her up with harden concentration. Gotta hand it to her, she's one hell of a trooper. 

 

After being kidnapped like eighty thousands times as robin Jason still didn't move as cautiously as she did. He almost didn't register the way she barely moved as she wrapped her hand around the leatherman under the pillow and watched Jason's face for signs of stress. "I didn't know you were into vore." He said with a dirty wink in her direction shaking his head a little to let her know not to attack.

 

She snorted at that picking up the pillow and hitting him in the face with it. The leatherman was gone. Probably in her sweatpants pocket. "Keep your kinks to yourself Mister Todd, I'm as vanilla as they come." Y/n said as she crossed her legs and flipped him off, stretching as casually and leaning against the headboard and slipping her hands in her pockets. "Oh of course you are dear and I'm Agnetha Fältskog" He almost forgot Alfred was there as the slipped into their morning banter.

 

That is until he clapped rather loudly to get their attention and y/n shot up like a bat out the cave into a defensive crouch and rocked back on her heels.  
Alfred, ever unfazed by the blatant show of hostility stared at Jason like he was to blame for all the world's problems. "Ahem, if you're quite done Master Jason would mind explaining to your lovely fiancee why I am here before she attempts to disembowel me? " At that y/n rolled her eyes and smirked in a way that made Jason really proud.

 

"Dismbowlment is a little messy for my taste Jeeves, but I'm no stranger to a buck fifty." she said as she flipped open her leatherman on the serrated side as to put a visual to her point. Alfred looked positively bored. "How charming, Master Jason I dare say you've picked a real jewel." He said while letting a little laughter reach his eyes. "Since your dear husband to be seems to be stunned into silence, would it be to presumptuous of me to think you might want to know who I am before you slice my face open in a Christmas ham? Perhaps over some tea?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ¿qué coño? = what the fuck
> 
> No me molestes= a mean way to say leave me alone
> 
> Es muy pronto = its too early


End file.
